Ask The Expert

How to keep your relationship feeling new

It’s so easy to fall in love for some couples. Yet the hard work in keeping a relationship alive comes years after the first flush of heady romance is gone. It’s much harder to keep the passion and romance going well into the twilight years.

So what are the secrets of the couples who keep the romance alive in a relationship? I interviewed dozens of happily married/united couples for my book ‘The Architect of Love’, and together, we discovered a few ways to keep the spark.

Ar’nie Krogh

Stop treating each other like ‘mum and dad’ but back to being lovers again

So many couples make this mistake: Our kids become the centre of our family life and in many ways, that is fine. It becomes unfortunate when they are the sole focus of our time together as a family. We need to remind ourselves that before we became parents, we were first lovers.  Make sure that when the kids are in bed, you can become a couple again. Talk like lovers again and you’ll be surprised how passionate evenings can become again even before the lights are off.

Go on regular date nights

I cannot advocate this enough. I personally go on date nights with my own partner of 18 years since a few months after the 1st baby was born. Referring back to the point above, a date night is a good to remind ourselves that we are also lovers away from the madness of our household. It doesn’t have to be weekly, but try do it regularly (at least once a month). If you can’t afford a regular date night, something as small as a stroll hand in hand can do wonders. If you can’t find a babysitter, organise a sleepover with a fellow couple you trust, and reciprocate that favour when they want their own date night. During this date night, ban any talks of day to day life, and instead, talk about the kind of topics you used to bring up when you were first dating.

Find a new hobby/activity to do together regularly

There’s a saying ‘The family that prays together, stays together’. You don’t have to literally start praying together as a hobby (though spiritual connection is really important to keep the relationship through many of life’s ups and downs) but find a new activity to do as a couple. Start discussing what kind of mutual sports or activities that has piqued your interest recently and start exploring together. It doesn’t have to necessarily be sport either. Becoming volunteers at a charity together will help you both appreciate how blessed your lives are. You can appreciate again how compassionate and kind your partner is. It also opens up new conversations for you to discuss on date nights.

Go someplace new once a year just the 2 of you

Lots of people love travelling and exploring, and usually summers are set aside for a big family vacation. Sometimes time aside just for those 2 adults to be on their own can work wonders on a relationship. If budget is tight, the location doesn’t even have to be ‘exotic’. It could be a local city nearby. As stated above, this getaway must have no talk of mundane daily life that will possibly bring the mood down. Try and do exciting activities too, as pumping your blood with adrenaline is great for the relationship: it heightens your positive attitude towards your partner.

Leading Love Communication Coach: Ar’nie Krogh. ‘The Architect of Love’ is available now on Amazon and you follow Ar’nie on Twitter and Instagram, both @ArnieRozahKrogh

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